I had to go to a party last night. It was at a bar I'd never been to before, so I asked Sam if he knew where it was, because he's good at Brooklyn. He said, "Sure, remember that time we went to that show at Pratt, the building we were in? It's right down the street from there." I did remember, but it was a strange point of reference, because the time he was talking about had to be at least five years ago. It doesn't really seem like that long ago. And the other night when the five of us were lined up along the bar at Pete's, it was just the same as it used to be, and that was more than three years ago. It's like we all tried in different ways to change our lives, but it made no discernible difference. There are differences, some of them significant, but it really doesn't show from the outside.

I've been thinking about that song, the impossible one. (Will I remember what this means after some time has gone by? I hope so.) I think that it may in fact be that song that started all of this. Not the content, astonishingly, but the delivery...I can't even make myself listen to it now. I try, but I never make it more than fifteen seconds in. Even Ira Glass is working against me lately. While listening to him yesterday, I think I actually cringed. It's as though even Mr. Glass can see the mistake I've made.

I feel like a different person every day lately. Even more frequently when I'm paying the right kind of attention. And I'll ignore the ringing phone because I really don't want to talk to who I know it will be. I just want it to be Sunday, with none of Saturday poking it's nose in, saying, "Remember me? I don't think we were done talking yet." I really have nothing more to say to Saturday, because I am... unreliable, as it happens. Do you know that thing that happens when you're running down a hill? When, after a while, you aren't so much running as you are trying to keep yourself from falling? You don't have to run because gravity and the hill are doing it for you. That's what today is, I'm flying down this hill, and it doesn't feel bad at all.