My dreams have gone haywire, filled with fictional characters and people I knew forever ago. Last night I dreamt that a lawyer from a television show I've seen a few times was my husband and we were going to Thanksgiving dinner with my family. I woke up and went back to sleep to find myself at a fireworks display/magic show, and when I ran into a girl who was a friend of mine a thousand years ago I said, "Oh, you must be home to see your family for Thanksgiving." I liked the continuity. The night before I dreamt that I moved into a house to find that one of my roommates was a girl I hadn't seen since high school, and she was upset with me about an argument we'd had in a dream I'd dreamt the night before. Is this too confusing? Anyway, she was upset and ran out of the house and was hit by a car driven by the mother of the dreamy boy who lived downstairs. She was coming over to give him a haircut, but he had arranged several fake deer in the driveway, and, thinking they were real, she panicked and swerved and hit the girl who'd been upset with me. She was fine aside from some cuts, so the dreamy boy and I brought her in to clean up her cuts but she didn't want our help because she didn't like the disinfectant we had. "It has papaya enzymes!" I nodded and said, "There are always papaya enzymes," and it was a very somber moment. Then I went into the next room and found Hugh Laurie there, watching a baseball game and quietly seething. I tried to explain to him that even though I don't usually watch House when it's on, I tape it and watch it later, that I've seen each episode. I told him that I loved him, but he wouldn't forgive me. There's more, but this is already too much. This whole paragraph is likely a waste of time for anyone who wasn't in my head with me.

I have that aching deep in my bones feeling from staying up all night. My bed is uncomfortable and my room doesn't get dark enough, and suddenly the birds are noisy and the sky is getting lighter. When I got up this morning I spent some time standing in front of the bathroom mirror, trying to collect myself awake, and for the first time my glasses looked nearly normal on my face. Nearly, but not. The main problem with my glasses, really, is that they are far too German for my face, which just isn't German at all. The main problem with Overnight Music is that if I'm feeling pretty okay, but a little bit lonely, it has a way of making me feel a lot lonely and then a bit sad. Last night was the first time I'd listened in a long time. I just have to build up my tolerance again. I noticed last night that you can make dedications, and I think I'll have to start doing that. I will make dedications to people I'd like to talk to but can't, characters in books and movies, and that guy in the attic who came downstairs sometimes. I will dedicate a song to Dr. House, to tell him that I'm sorry, and to tell him that I love him.

Now I'm wound up about tomorrow. I always have a reason to be desperate for Wednesday, but the reason keeps changing. Tuesday is always the longest, shuffling ahead a little at a time, but at least it's sweet enough to leave A.Viestad waiting at the end of it, soothing me into Wednesday with soft esses and fishing boats and snowy mountains and goat chases. It is better than lullabies.

p.s. Okay, I seem to have settled into a system wherein I talk to you only once a season, but I think spring could be the season where I turn into a runaway train.