I lost an entire day to some mysterious, intense, head-spinning illness. The radio was on and there was clomping from upstairs and clanging from outside and once the doorbell rang, but all I could do was burrow and doze and try to find a way to hold my head that would make me want to die a little less. It was after dark before I could make it out of bed for any meaningful length of time. Yesterday was the first time I ever watched the streetlights come on from under the covers, and it's strange the way the light goes from gray to amber. Now I feel completely fine, like nothing ever happened, except that I'm a little distrustful. I'm sullenly suspecting that I'll be sick again at any moment. I hope to get over this in a day or so. I have to make myself healthier, because getting super sick out of nowhere is bad news.

So, my privacy has flown away. On Friday a scaffolding was erected just below my windows. While my curtains were really good for letting light in while keeping strangers from looking in at me, things might be different now. Now there are construction workers walking around in the air with their faces a foot away from the glass. If I left the windows open they could reach in and pat my head while I sleep. The night before last I covered the windows in huge sheets of white tissue, which seems to be working alright, but I'm not sure. Yesterday while I slept, moaned, and waited for the world to end all day, I could hear men out there talking to each other and banging things around, and they sounded too close to me, but I couldn't even care. Probably, if I had looked up and seen them looking back at me, I would just have rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. I don't want to have to put the horrible dark curtains back up. I just want them to finish whatever they're working on and go away. The scaffolding can stay. It's sort of pretty actually, the top covered in giant planks of wood, like a porch just outside the front door of my front window. It would be pretty easy for me to climb out on to it. When I was putting the tissue up it was raining, and with my tree coming up behind the wooden platform, and the water shining on all of it, it was like the nicest treehouse.

In the background Orson Welles is complaining about ad copy. "But you can't emphasize beef, that's like wanting me to emphasize in before July! C'mon fellas, you're losing your heads!" He sounds so panicked, like he might cry.

I don't know how to feel. May is already moving too fast, and there just isn't enough time. I'm going to make a resolution, a May 8th resolution, to stop wasting time. There are so many things I want to do. There are so many decisions to decide.

p.s. I wish things were better. I wish you weren't so far away. I miss you too.