I can't take you anywhere. I can't take you, anywhere.

Last night there were thunderstorms, and the smell of it was perfect. I think it cured my Doom. I think it leveled my head. This morning I dreamt my waking up and going to take a shower. In my dream it was about eighteen minutes before I actually woke up, which may have been just exactly when I was dreaming it. The dream was completely the same as the being awake, and it was so incredibly boring, but nice.

Francis' girlfriend got hit by a car, and while on the one hand she's more okay than not, on the other hand, written in giant letters is, "IT'S NEVER OKAY TO GET HIT BY A CAR." I trust cars less and less every year. They're too heavy and fast, like hippos, but without reason.

Sometimes it seems like everything is a game, and you have to just know how to play because no one is ever going to tell you the rules, because having to be told equals losing. This is what I think when I'm not feeling so good about people. Sam argues this with me, if only for the sake of arguing, he says that not every moment has a winner and a loser. I try to be convinced, but I'm not so sure. Michael sees the game in things too, which leads to our having these strange fights that aren't fights, but sort of coded conversations with mean smiles. Then we make up by being vulnerable to each other, trying to make each other laugh with private jokes and nerd talk, and then our smiles are so much better, but I never really get over the fights.

There's a girl living in the not-too-distant future who sometimes seems like me through a time machine, except she's cold when it's hot and hot when it's cold, except she lets herself write poetry, whereas I do not (aside from the secret poems I don't let out of my head). She says things that make complete sense, though I don't know why they should, though I guess that's much the way I feel about a lot of what I write. So.

I'm thinking of Naragansett, because it's just such a pretty word, because Rhode Island has never once hurt my feelings. Except I just checked and it's actually spelled Narragansett, which I don't know that I like as much. And I learned this on some Narragansett Chamber of Commerce website which somehow managed to give me the creeps and make me feel I might not belong there. The biggest worry, really, is that I don't belong anywhere but here.

p.s. It's not really a reason, but if you did I could take the Chinatown bus to visit you for a day. It would be so easy.