It's cold today, and the rain has been loud.

They never stop talking. I wrote that sentence down on a piece of paper and made a poor paper airplane out of it. I was going to throw it through the window, but I was too many flights up and thought, "What if it picks up too much speed and sails right into someone's eye?" That was the end of that. It reminds me of how last weekend I accidentally won a glass eye contest. Really, it was a conversation between Michael and Sam about how you can get glass eyes with pictures on them instead of just irises and pupils painted on. They were trying to decide what sort of glass eye would be best, Sam thought an eye with a picture of his face on it would be good, and Michael thought mirrored, which I agreed with until I thought of clear. That way you could see the back of your eye socket, you could be your own science fair exhibit, and maybe it could even be a magnifier so that people could get a really good look. Then I wondered aloud whether you could use the magnification to start fires with your eye, and while I was wondering Michael and Sam conferred and declared me the winner. Am I jinxing myself with all of this glass eye talk? I have delicate eyes. Delicate eyes and a poor paper airplane.

I didn't get much sleep on Wednesday because I was out all night helping people break my heart a little, and then last night I decided to stay up all night reading and listening to the news, and now all day I feel like I'm just going to stop. In the middle of doing something I won't be anymore, like when that family's robot daughter's batteries ran out. Did that ever happen, or am I making that up? I don't remember any of the plots.

Right now I want to take every telephone everywhere and throw them over bridges. I want to make my way around the world that way, I'll wear a bandit mask and never tell anyone my name. People will be furious with me, but afterwards they'll sleep better and be nicer to each other, and they won't understand why. My phone has been off all day, which is the way I usually keep it, checking every few hours for messages and then shutting it off again. It's tempting to keep it on, but I won't. Lamer and more embarrassing things probably exist, but at the moment hardly anything seems worse than sitting around and waiting for someone to call just so I can answer and say, "I don't want to talk to you." Shout, "I don't want to talk to you."

Maybe I'll give up speaking. It gets tiresome, the way no one can hear me. Sometimes when I'm talking I get quieter and quieter. I think it's that there are some words that are scarier than others, and I'm just trying to be careful with them, so they don't get startled or break. I don't know why everyone thinks I'm not afraid of things, except for the fact that I lie and pretend I'm not.

It isn't really so much to lose, I'm just always surprised at the way people can be mean without warning. Tomorrow can't really be Saturday again, can it?