"I want to find more. I want to give you something."

I am listening to the world's saddest music. It's hot and it didn't even rain yesterday. My head feels asleep. It's one of those days when I really need someone to say something nice to me, but I'm a little scared to listen, just in case. As it is, I want to answer questions that aren't being asked of me. Still, somehow, everything is pretty okay.

I feel as though I've swallowed a handful of dust, and, man, I hope not (this is the sort of thing I hope over). I've been caught in a fit of cleaning, and the whole world's made up of either dust or soap. Yesterday I found mysterious cuts on my hands and said aloud to the empty room, "But I haven't done anything sharp all day!" See, my head feels asleep. I'm thinking of easing back into coffee, but only sips. Special occasion sips.

I don't know what to do about this thing. It doesn't feel so good, when I think about it. It is one of about five places I don't feel want me anymore. There is no graceful way out of it.

Last night was too much for me. Michael and I had another weird fight, but I just couldn't take it. I had to leave the room. I tried to do it casually, but I don't suppose it worked because the Captain followed me out and we had a soothing talk about flags and pockets of confederacy, and then she invited me over to see the rabbit. We're going to make her a paper shrub to hide under, and maybe train her to take showers.

I don't know why I try so hard not to show it when I get sensitive. That's a lie, I do know why. What I don't know is if I'll ever be able to stop it, or whether I should. Anyway, at the end of the night I got sort of crumbly, what with the riddles and the strange company. I made the boys drink shots of whiskey by getting them for free, and then I hugged the bartender (not Cape Cod!) goodbye and we sat in the car listening to the wrong songs until finally we got to the right one. Then I went home, pretty much. I sort of don't want to see anyone again for at least a couple of weeks, but I don't see how I can manage that.

Then this morning was weird, remember? When it was really much too early I couldn't stay asleep, and even though I knew it was hot, the angle of the fan made me cold. I got up and dressed and made some tea. I turned on the news, folded myself up in an armchair, and fell right asleep. I've never really been someone who could sleep in a chair, but this morning I did it for a half hour. It was nice, and still early when I was done. See, everything is pretty okay.

If this were written on a piece of paper, I think I'd have to roll it into a tube and tape the ends together. It just belongs that way. I could overlap it at the pretty okays.