I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. That's exactly what I said, all four times in a row. I hope he believes me. I really mean it. I also said, "What am I going to do with you now?" but I don't know if he was listening.

This time of year makes me crazy anyway, I feel tense all day long, full of dreadful butterflies. A Christmas card that I don't want to open. It came a week and a half ago, and I've been resenting it ever since. I just feel lonely. He left another message that I'm not sure about, but if he came back early I'll be so glad. I don't know how I feel about anything, but I'd like to sit next to him and have him hold my hands. I want him to kiss my face and save me from my stupid nerves.