I don't know what I'm doing. I crossed the international date line twice in two weeks, and now I'm haunted, like the woods. I don't eat, I sleep sideways, my friends don't recognize my voice. I'm trying to tell the truth, "I'm so bad at getting close, I'm a nightmare, emotionally. You're going to end up hating me." No one believes what they don't want to hear. "If we were fifteen years old, this would all be so easy." We'll probably never be fifteen again.