I couldn't sleep last night. Once the thought comes up, out loud in my head, "I can't sleep," I'm doomed. In the middle of the night there is poker on television. It's the most upsetting television ever, and I don't know why. I can't even slightly imagine enjoying it. I genuinely don't believe that anyone does. It's uncomfortable and itchy, and it smells horrible, as much as television can. Even the people playing must hate being there, sitting around, resenting each other, wishing they could be someplace else. I mean, this is probably irrational, but it's what I got from the minute I had it on. The middle of the night is a bad time to be awake in your bed with no one to talk to.

Today I feel slouchy and my head is a bit crackly. After months of being too cold it's finally too warm. My eyes feel soft and my throat feels sore. There is a lot of coughing around here and everyone is afraid of each other's germs.

Jackpot needs to borrow money and I need to say yes even though it might mean waiting to move until March. I want to move to Berlin all of a sudden. The apartments are pretty and cheap, furnished with high speed internet and warm water. And furniture. I know scattered German words, I can count to thirty, I can say, "I don't know." What else is there? I'd like to give up talking anyway. Or else there's Utrecht. I found a house to love for two thousand dollars, a three-story house. New York is getting all over my nerves. I like the mayor and the buses, but that's about it.

I'm so excited to go home and go to sleep tonight.