I have been feeling a bit crazy for the past few days, but maybe a bit good also. I can't find a good position for my face, but tablemaking still seems possible. I might always look like I'm about to cry, I might feel a little sleepwalky. I went to the to the circus on Saturday, kind of, and that was interesting and sort of dreamy at times. Yesterday I stayed inside all day watching a ridiculous television show and crying my eyes out over it. I feel a bit ill, but in a thrilling way. I've barely slept. I have been letting my tonight be planned for me, letting it get duller and duller without intervening. I mean, I don't care. It feels like spring to me me, I feel strong, my hair feels long, I don't care where I go. It's sort of irritating, the number of things that don't really matter that are supposed to.

I'm sad about the year ending, it feels like a friend moving away. We really really aren't kids anymore, no matter how much time we spend giggling in the dark.

Everything is going to be great.