Here are the things I'm thinking about this morning:

I think that sometimes I think that if I just don't take any action, I can slow things down enough to figure out what I should do. That's a mistake, obviously. Stopping myself won't make anything else stop. If anything, it just puts me in a worse position.

I also think sometimes that I don't have to tell people how I feel, that if they really cared, they would see it in my eyes. So, what happens when I deliberately say aloud the opposite of what's there in my eyes? Or when someone can't seem to see my eyes?

Also, I have a truly gruesome bruise below my knee. I feel about it the way little kids feel about bruises, when it's more fascinating than ugly. Or maybe fascinating in its ugliness. Anyway, I've kind of gotten attached to it. I think I may miss it when it goes.

If I, or my life, could be digitally edited, I think I could make something close enough to what I want it to be that I would be perfectly content. But, I guess we aren't supposed to be perfectly content. Contentedness can't exist without a certain level of anxiety. Things have to balance out, I suppose.

And no one will ever be exactly who I want them to be. If someone was everything I wanted, I think it would feel wrong, and that wrong feeling would be what marred the perfection of them. So, maybe... maybe what perfection really means in this case is ideally imperfect. As long as a person has just the right flaws...

Last night was strange and lovely. And when someone smells so strongly of crayons I can't help but smile. Right now I'm so happy and sad and sleepy all at once, and the music is just right. I feel as though I could faint. Or like my heart could stop. Not for good, just until this song ends. It is a pretty long song...