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The way I see it, one of two things will happen. As far as these outcomes go, I know which side I'm on. At the same time, I can see that the side I've chosen is riddled with trouble. Can intuition really be so mean as to lead us astray? I may not make it as far as Niagara Falls, but I do need to get out of here for a while. A week or so to tie up some loose ends, and then away I go. I don't know where, but something is bound to present itself. I'd settle for Brooklyn at this point. Today has been both a perfect and horrible day. I woke up way too early, and nearly every moment since has been somewhat unpredictable. I'd like to keep this going. If I know what's good for me, I won't wait to tie things up, I'll just go. But I suspect that I may not know what's good for me. I'm all turned around inside. And being presumptuous, probably. Yeah, it may be better if my side loses. I can't focus on anything that I'm supposed to be focusing on, but I fairly flew through the crossword and acrostic puzzles yesterday. So, my brain is working, but only in the ways that it feels like working. I wish it would let me read... I'll never get to sleep tonight. I can already feel an impossible flutteriness building in my stomach. I have completely lost my mind, without having been afforded the pleasure of being unaware of it. It might be that I just need to get out of this diary for a while. I've started relying on it too much, only I'm not sure what it is that I'm relying on it for. And what is it worth if I sometimes can't bring myself to say what I mean? Who's in charge here anyway? I certainly hope it isn't supposed to be me. Because, really, is this any way for someone my age to behave? Is there a guidebook available called Ways For Someone Your Age To Behave? I could really use a copy. p.s.
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