|
|
I'm relying on the unreliable! Danger is exciting when I'm this jittery. It's time for rash decisions! Rash decisions and four-track recordings, and fingers covered with ink! Paint chips and sandpaper! Anyhow...Sometimes I feel imaginary. The other night was weird, like at any minute the floor could fall out from under me, but I just kept getting lucky. I've been great at guessing lately, and I've won twice in a row now. People are betting better things, and sometimes I feel guilty winning them, but it's better than it used to feel when we all bet whatever junk was in our pockets, although it was pretty great when we made Falton eat the children's aspirin on the spot. Now I've got this crazy book and Michael's minister identification card, among other things. It's nice to have strange little pieces of the people I like best."you've changed so-o-o-ome" I need more attention than I'm comfortable needing.His emails say a lot of things, and they say them in his voice and with the looks on his face, and I smile at the computer screen shyly. I hate computers. They say that I may be his second favorite, but I don't mind, because I know his favorite, and I'm hers. Will we find ourselves in a canoe next week? I hope so. I told the young Mr. O'Connell that I'd never been in a canoe before, and for a second it seemed to break his heart. He's weird once in a while, and I like it. I love them all, they're like brothers but better, because they never spilled paint on my favorite sheets or forced me to eat lima beans until I was sick.I may have figured out my Halloween costume. I'm building it out of dead umbrellas. I told Jackpot about it, and not only did he understand, he's been planning his too. This is how it is around here. Mary was talking about hers in May. Somehow the Halloween costume conversation led to Jackpot telling me that he'd heard that the entire Greek Olympic team had died. I accused him of insanity, and he said that someone told him that they'd all been killed in several different car crashes just before the Olympics started. Even as he was saying it I could see in his face that he hadn't actually thought about it before he heard it come out of his mouth, and he knew it was hopeless. I asked if he believed that the U.S. basketball team had nearly lost to a team comprised entirely of zombies, and he admitted that his information was clearly unreliable, because a zombie basketball team would certainly have won. Well, probably not, but I would have watched it and taped it. It's the sort of thing that gets Olympic fever going, like Mary Lou Retton in 1984. She was so short.I'm running away to a matinee today, and then it's time to get serious. Everything might be perfect by 2005. I kind of love the fact that these years all still look like the future, even the ones that have past. I should drink less tea than this. I should stop overhearing upsetting arguments. I should remember what I was thinking about just before seven o'clock. I should say exactly what I mean to the person I mean it to before it's too late. Instead I'm going to get dressed up and go to the movies. Didn't I dream all of this already? Oh, remember how excited I was at the top of the page? I still am.
|