The past week/weekend has been optimism/butterflies, and rashness/regret, and I love my friends so much it hurts/sometimes I wonder why we're still friends. The nicest thing, sometimes, is a voice close to your ear, saying, "it's okay, it's okay." Even if you didn't know what the words meant, you could tell by the feel of the breath against your skin. In a small way that's what he was like, except it meant more because it meant less, because it was natural and no one was trying too hard. Except that instead of, "it's okay, it's okay," he said, "that's because when someone smells so good you want to be as close to them as you can," and then he said other things and he was right about all of them, and it surprised me. Then he said things that were kind of horrible, but certainly honest, and I'm not sure how to feel about that.

Lately I've been so restless and daydreamy and flushed. I can't keep still, I can't keep my eyes from wandering, I can't keep my hands from reaching. Friday night was mostly me not knowing what to do with myself, and trying to be reasonable. I need a trick for falling instantly to sleep, or for flying through those hours when nothing seems like the thing I want to do, but a person can never just do nothing. I keep going out and coming home and then going out again, and it seems like I've forgotten how to be alone. I stay out too late and get into bed exhausted but forget to sleep because I'm captivated by my windows. At night it looks like flying saucers are constantly landing, and how can I keep from staring at that?

On Saturday afternoon I had a date with George, starting at the prettiest red (and sometimes pink) tea I've ever seen and moving on to a walk to look for bamboo plants and take pictures of goldfish. Then we crossed the bridge, and there were skateboards and bagpipes, and my date with George was wonderful. On Saturday night Francis and I went wildly geeky about This Old House while Sam rolled his eyes. That was so good. Later on we went to party down the street and saw my new favorite band, at least for the next few days. Yesterday the weather was beautiful, and the Egg told what may be the best story I've ever heard, and we made something really pretty at the end. These were the best parts of the weekend. In between there were a few things that made me furious and frustrated, but I don't know if they matter anymore. The weather is just want I want and my camera has new plans for me, so I'm just going to be happy and listen to my new favorite band.