Yesterday was good for saving my feelings a little, and what were we even talking about? Some of it is embarrassing, but I'll be over it by the end of the week. I'm just glad that the phone didn't ring at any point, because I would have said yes, and that might have ruined me all over again. As long as tomorrow is the Wednesday I want it to be, everything should be fine. Hope, hope hope.

We talked about the bee and I mentioned K. because I can't stop saying his name sometimes. Falton didn't know who he was because she's hardly ever around anymore, and we only ever talk when she is. There was a night weeks ago when there were a thousand of us in the back garden, and Falton was being loud at our end of the table, and he was being quiet at his until the seat next to me opened up and he took it. We tried to talk over Falton's volume, but mostly we just smiled and waited until we could sit alone inside. So, I said, "He was that guy, that night, wearing the shirt you made fun of," and she said, "Oh, the guy who cornered you," and it's just funny. I tried to explain, "No, I know him, I like him, I wanted to talk to him," but she didn't seem to believe me, and it's just funny. I thought she had noticed that night, but we got reading each other's minds all wrong, it seems.

I was listening to France Gall today, and everything just felt so ordinary. There is something different about me lately, in the way I seem to other people. I've been good at strangers. There seems to be a lot of strangers lately, and right away we're friends even though we aren't. I think my favorite thing is when Ellis suddenly appears and I say, "Hi Ellis," and he says, so blandly, "Hey, how's it going?" and then sits down next to me like we had planned to meet. It's so normal and old pal of us, but really we don't know each other at all. It's a different sort of year. I don't know where I belong. I can never decide if I like the way I look. I can never get anything done. Maybe being good at strangers takes some sacrifices in other areas. I would sigh, but I don't quite have it in me. Anyway, it's warm and breezy and this man singing in the background is exactly it. You would know what I mean if you could hear him. This isn't making any sense and I've got to get out of here.