My ability to compartmentalize things is horrifying.

Sometimes I get so tired of the way everyone I know knows everyone else I know. Sometimes I get tired of the way the girls talk, the way too many conversations start, "So, I heard you..." The boys are a little better, instead of telling stories they play songs for each other, sitting in cars in the dark, smoking hash, switching out ipods. The so I heards go differently.

I don't know what anything means. I'm getting anxious and distracting myself by cleaning my apartment in reverse, pulling things out instead of putting them away. There are clothes everywhere, piles of miscellany, and clean dishes in the sink. The dancing birds would not approve. The dancing birds would trip and frown. Anyway, worse than the mess I'm making is the fact that I'm not even successfully distracting myself. I'm all wonderings. What is going on, what is the day like, what, what what? I need to get out of here is what, but I keep thinking, "Where, who, how?"

p.s. I know that I said something like, "whenever you have time," and I still mean it, but there's all of this curiosity. It's strange that now when you're so close I don't know where close is.