It turns out that certain situations have to be inescapably obvious before I'll accept UNPLEASANT FACTS. If it sounds good enough, I'll just believe anything a person tells me. I know, I know, I know, it's A MISTAKE. Maybe I can convince myself through unnecessary capitalization. I'm nearly there already. I'm disappointed and trying to avoid it, but a thing can only be avoided for so long. The one thing was alright, and not even actually surprising, but the other is surprising in a way that embarrasses me. I thought, "Well, at the very least...," but no, the very least is even less than that. Being caught off guard is my least favorite thing.

So now there's this thing, or this trio of things, and I have to get them over with and off of my hands, though I'm not sure who for or why. I can't not do it, it's too sad for so much time and thought to just sit there pointlessly until the world ends. Somehow, some stupid how, it all got to be too important and now I just need it to go away. Needing time to pass and needing time to stop, and nothing to be done about either of them. I gave all of my security blankets away, so now what do I do?

This weekend's been strange. It's been too long. Lazily listening to one radio show blended into lazily listening to another. Yesterday was a lazy nothing day because I felt great while still, but the moment I tried to do anything a hangover would appear. I spent a lot of time on my bed, doing a crossword puzzle, listening to the radio, staring through the window. Since the scaffolding has been gone I've fallen in love with the tree outside of the window beside my bed. It's got so many leaves. I'm happy about fall, but I want those leaves to last a while.

I went for a walk last night just after dark, and then again tonight. I have to remember how good that is. I don't do it often enough. I'm starting to miss the Sunday paper. Once it gets cooler I'll have to start getting it again, going through it while This Old House is on, eating caramel apple lollipops. There'll be sweaters soon, and it will go so fast. I'm glad about that. I am somewhere between holding my head miserably and laughing at how ridiculous it all is, and it keeps tipping back and forth, but I think if I can really get the laughing going it will all be okay.