The past week was... full. I'm not sure whether I think that I won it or not. There were great things and things that weren't, but I think that the great things had more weight than the not great. The only thing that I would change, if I could, is how Thursday night ended. Sometimes I waste too much time pretending not to care. I wonder where he is now? Asleep somewhere, I suppose. Last night was Cambridge, tonight... Cornell? Tomorrow he'll be in Canada and well out of reach, but I guess he was out of reach the moment I said no. If my daydreams about running away come true, he could be my neighbor. Coincidence happens more and more the older I get. This year, anyway.

I need something more than I'm letting myself have, but what I want is more than what's easily had, if that makes sense. Last night I wished something nearly enough to ask for it, but I realized in time that I wanted it not to happen about as much as I wanted it to. I could use more moments. Moments that start out as a whisper at the ear and turn so easily into a kiss at the mouth.

Here's what I found on my arm this morning : "We still dance on whirling stages in my Busby Berkley dreams..." Do we?

He wrote something in his diary about dead stars and black holes that shot right up my list of things I wish would happen someday. It was something I would never have thought to wish for on my own, but, oh, I love the idea of it so much. I'm not entirely sure why, and I don't care to be entirely sure why. At the end of things, what couldn't be thinking 'I miss you'?

And the weather seems to truly be on my side this weekend, but, oh, are my eyes sleepy...