I take it all back and I mean it all even more.

I had a horrible, horrible dream. E.B. was in it, and he said something really important and difficult to me. I got scared and was flip and distant about it, and by the time I was ready to deal with it properly, he was gone. Really, truly gone, and it was my fault. I can remember being completely heartbroken, collapsed, entirely sobs and despair. I've never felt more awful while asleep. I still feel a bit as though I've done something terrible, and desperately need to fix it. Somehow though, this song that I haven't heard in so long seems to be beginning to ease that feeling. "Does your days seem like nights?"

So, this time I didn't listen once I was done. I'm a little anxious about that. Given the length of time it covers, I'm not so certain of everything I said. I vaguely recall what are likely to be fairly tedious descriptions of some other dreams I've had. There is probably a bit of repetition. I worry that there may be a general mopiness to it all. Maybe it's just been a mopy sort of spring. I feel older, or sharper, or maybe a little less willing. I want to be willing.