Some mornings I can sit quietly enough to feel as though I understand everything, and it isn't too much at all. And suddenly this song that's always been too quiet is more than loud enough, and I can stand to listen to it again. Watching that movie made me desperate for fall. I miss the smell and the scarves. Also, why does everything exciting become so ordinary so fast? Remember when fun was fun? Well, it's not anymore. Still, certain things that weren't any fun are starting to be, so it all works out, I guess.

I dreamt that I was lying on the bottom of a rowboat, eyes closed, drifting along and happy, listening to the sound of the leaves in the breeze. And then there was a staircase with a bannister wrapped in orange ribbon, and then there was the old EAB, standing again, with a thin wooden shell to protect it. Was Michael there? He might have been. Our scheme is starting to move along. I trust him, which is nice, but I'm worried that he might know it.

I like drums that sound like knuckles knocking on a cardboard box. I like it when his songs start in robot voice and turn human. Also, I've become overly preoccupied with panning. Oh, there's so much music I don't know how to listen to. With my headphones on, I'm more myself. Lately I've been acting like a jerk, but when I'm listening to the right songs...it just helps, I guess. Didn't I listen to this record once and say no thank you? How did it manage to catch me? A week ago this other record was killing me, but now it's just perfect again. My mind changes over and over, and somehow it feels like I've got no say in the matter.

It's nice to have pieces of detail, to have a sense of where someone was when, and then to remember where I was then. What he might have been doing, and what I was thinking about while he was doing it. It's nice to think of someone I shouldn't even be aware of smiling or laughing somewhere else while my life goes on here. It's sort of comforting, and I don't know why. I guess it's time for me to start really waking up now. I have an afternoon of subtitle reading and awkward conversation to look forward to.