When I look back at last night in my mind, all I can do is throw my hands into the air. Overall I just don't know, but then I think of certain moments and I am ridden with sighs. There was a thing I should have said that I never said, but when we were walking down below the expressway, well that was something wasn't it? Who knows, but when someone asks what you're doing the next day and it turns out that you're free, isn't that someone then supposed to invite you to do something? Isn't that the system? But then that would be too much, and I've already got tomorrow to be fluttery about.

This isn't like me, and I think I've lost my reason, and I don't even know why. Also, I'm beginning to be obvious, and I care less and less. I don't think my friends get it, but tough for them, because I do. For the rest of the day I'll resist checking for messages over and over while thinking of other things. Or I will try. Right now the main thing that wants me to think about it is the fun of secretly touching fingers under the table. And how odd that we stood on that corner while three adorable loons played sloppily pretty music for us in what seemed like the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere.

Yesterday I was talking to Sam about bees, and I realized that I don't remember all of the state capitals anymore, at least not without some thinking. So, maybe I'm just losing my head all around. I really need to settle down. That is the thing. I'm completely unsettled.