Today is not going so well. I unreasonably woke at six in the morning and spent the next hour and a half or so trying to get back to sleep, but only making it halfway. It's just weird to be so sleepy and have your body insist on resisting it. During this half asleep time I imagined itchy insect bites, one on my right forearm, one on the inside of my right ankle. I scratched them even, but later on, after I was fully awake, I looked for them and they were gone. So, either they healed super quickly or I was hallucinating. I'm not really in the habit of hallucinating, and I'd like not to get into the habit. Also, when I finally got out of bed, the moment my left foot touched the floor, my calf cramped up, painfully and for no reason! It still feels ginger, and it's making me nervous. It's a terrible thing, not to trust your own leg.

Complain, complain, complain, but there's more. For a few days I'd been keeping my distance from K. because I'm awful, and then it seemed for a few days he was keeping his distance right back, which seemed fair enough. Then last night I talked to Cape Cod, and it seems that he's disappeared altogether. The thing is, he sort of has his life in this city, and then his life in another, and he may have given this one up. He may have done this without even calling me, and I just don't know. It could be that something unusual came up, it could be that he'll turn up tonight and everything is fine, but then it could not. This really doesn't feel good at all.

So, of course now I'm looking for trouble, like the email conversation I had with Michael this morning, in which he seemed like he might have been exasperated with me. Or I could be inventing that, it's hard to tell with sentences so short. And now tonight we have to go back, tonight I don't want to go back, tonight I want to be anywhere other than there, but mostly I want to be at home with that book.

Okay, so good things.

1. Our Blond Friend showed up last night, and he's always fun. He's a good combination of whispery and sharp, and as I hardly ever see him I've never gotten used to it. Our Blond Friend is like the adult version of a boy I had a crush on when I was very young, when crushes were still a newish thing. He kept making me smile and then invited me home with him, and though the invitation was oddly heartening, it was politely refused. The great thing was, as he turned the far corner while leaving, he leaned his head out of the window and called out, "Goodnight Kitten! Kitten!" It was the second Kitten that got me. Well, so did the first one, actually. There are probably few people who can shout, "Kitten!" convincingly, but Our Blond Friend is one.

2. I love Francis so much sometimes. He can say and do things that from other people would irritate me, but I only love him more. It's better now that I know what it's like to not have him around, it's better now that I know to hold onto him.

3. Though I'm not looking forward to tonight, it has worked out that I will be spending it with my absolute four favorite people. Crazy! And maybe we'll be paid for it? Probably not, but it's bound to turn out better than I'm afraid of. It's just math, really.

There are a couple of other good things, certainly, but I don't have the right words or enough time at the moment. Still, I'll be pretty happy when I wake up tomorrow and it isn't today anymore, but I'll likely be a little nervous about getting out of bed.